My best friend (I just can’t help but call her that despite everything) called me today and we talked for a good hour. It felt so good to connect with her again! Our relationship has been very strained since entering high school. We hadn’t attended the same school since the third grade (long story) and I was so excited to get to go to school with her again! But she was more interested in her other school friends and basically acted like we didn’t know each other despite our friendship reaching back since preschool. After a lot of heartache and strife during freshman year, I pulled away from her and we got pretty distant. 

So having her call me up and us talking really made me happy! We used to talk for HOURS almost every day over the phone. And I’m a little torn, because we did this sophomore summer and I got my hopes up only to return to school and find out nothing changed. I truly want to believe that things will be different but at the same time I know I need to keep my hopes at a reasonable level.

She’s not a bad person. Not at all. But she’s just insecure and clueless. I’m at the point where I know who I am and I’m not afraid to be myself, but she’s still at that point where she’s trying to please everyone. I treasure her friendship so much because she’s really the only person outside of my family (and my Tumblr friends) that I’ve truly connected with, and I’m not willing to throw over ten years of friendship away. And going into senior year, I really hope we can make the most out of it before going to college…

I just wanted to get this out, it’s been brewing in me for the past three years.